why i'm agnostic / don't tell me that misogyny isn't fundamental in christianity
“I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.”
today my mom and i talked about religion very seriously. i told her i’m not christian, and she thinks i guess it’s because i’m 17 and just want to do things the way i want to do them, and that i don’t want anyone to tell me what to do or how to do it. honestly, it upsets me more to know that she thinks i’m petty; that me piercing my nose and becoming vegan and not shaving anymore are for superficial reasons (?). also it’s upsetting to know that she thinks it’s “gross” and “like i’m trying to be a man” by not shaving, and also that she thinks that being agnostic and being atheist are the same thing. i’m tired of hearing my dad tell me that i “have no morals or values” and that i’m “too big for God”.
i really wish that maybe one day we’ll come to a better understanding of each other, and that she/he will understand better how i feel about some things. it’s frustrating because we didn’t use to be close at all; in fact, i used to hate my mom and argue constantly about stupid shit. now that we’re incredibly close to each other, i felt like i could let her know where i’m at religion-wise, and i hoped that she would be more openminded of my beliefs.
all i know is that i can’t sit in that pew anymore and take communion while silently disagreeing with most of the politically/socially biased, patriarchal, misogynistic things that my dad says in his sermon every week. life is far too short to be hateful for any type of person or group, and i would never want anyone to think that i’m taking anything lightly; on the contrary, i take my soul very seriously and that’s why i live the lifestyles that i live.
i love my family completely, but there are some things that my parents have taught me my whole life that i disagree with, and only recently has it started to be a big issue because only recently have i realized that it’s not healthy to internalize everything and live a double life. here’s hoping things will get better with time.
tomorrow i’m with the baby and donating my rare blood. if the jerk who stood me up 2 times in 2 days doesn’t call me back it’s ok. but i wanted to tell him that it would have been better to just tell me he doesn’t want to see me anymore if he doesn’t want to see me anymore. i think that uncertainty definitely is worse than honesty; even if the truth hurts, it’s easier to face/accept the truth and move on rather than not knowing what’s up, also i wanted to bitch him out a little bit so that he doesn’t do this to other girls after me.
sort of got stood up by a boy today although we’re being together tomorrow instead. today is going to the farm market & getting tons of discounted ripe eggplant, sweet potatoes, and cantaloupe. aaaaand since cooking makes everything inside me feel better i made eggplant spinach tomato dip & sweet potato/split pea soup with brown rice. later i’m doing a weed run. fuck it, it’s summer and i’m still incredibly young
i hate situations where i’m with people who exhaust me mentally/socially.
i took my sister to hang out with her friend and they invited me to see the movie they were going to go see with them, and i didn’t have much to do today besides laundry and showering and working at 5, so i agreed.
we get there, and this girl orders a lot of food and soda from some fast food place and is like “why aren’t you eating anything”, etc., and i’m like “i’m not judging you for your food choices, so don’t judge me for mine” (but not really, i was just saying that inside my head).
then, we finally go to the theatre and i don’t really like seeing movies at theatres but i was trying to be nice, so i went anyway, and this girl wants to see fucking despicable me 2 and i am just like “can we not” and then she’s like “oh shit, i left my ID in my car…” and i am like… “do you want me to go get it for you” and she is like “yes, do you mind, my car is unlocked and my keys are inside”
so i go out to her car and i find out that her car is fucking LOCKED with her keys fucking INSIDE her locked car and i just think to myself “oh my god is this real life” so i go inside and am like “dude your car is definitely not unlocked” and she is like “OH MY GOD I’M SO STUPID I ALWAYS LEAVE MY KEYS INSIDE MY CAR WITH THE DOOR UNLOCKED HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN TO ME OH MY GOD” and i am just like “why do you leave your keys inside your car with the door unlocked, do you want your car to be stolen”
SO these very kind men help get her keys out and the whole time she is lamenting her stupid choices really loudly and i could tell these men were uncomfortable and i definitely was also, so i am talking to these men like “this was nice of you guys, thank you for doing us a solid and helping us out”, etc., and when they finally get the door unlocked for her she goes to em and is high-fiving her and like “MY CAR IS UNLOCKED YAY OH MY GOD” and i’m like “dude are you going to say thank you to these random kind strangers that just helped you”
and then i left and came home and now i’m listening to Agoraphobia by Deerhunter and am very glad to finally have solace after this stressful situation.
i’m here in pittsburgh for the summer, missing my big brother in brooklyn who works at a tile factory at coney island. now i babysit a baby named owen who lets me sing him to sleep and gets his head stuck to my forearm with the sweat from baby naps. my ankle got sprained on saturday on a training hike… here’s hoping it’ll heal by this saturday (the Big Day), where my mom and i will try to hike 35 miles on the RCT along with like 600 other intense hikers who have all done this before
i should post on tumblr more often so i don’t have posts like these where i say everything that i haven’t for so long
I’m looking at you
In the “Cool story babe, now make me a sandwich” t-shirt
The commonly uses
“I raped you faggot”
Your straight friends
The white kid who greets his buddies with the n-word
Who’s OkCupid dating profile describes him as a “nice guy”
He’s just sick of getting friend-zoned
Because being just friends with a woman
Is so terrible
Nevermind the fact that he answers yes to the following:
Are women obligated to shave their legs?
Are racist jokes funny?
When a woman is raped, is it sometimes her fault?
I’m looking at you
guy in every women’s studies class ever
who derails dialogue
About a third of the world’s population of women
Who will be raped
In their life times
“the wage gap isn’t real”
the guy who starts “PimpWalk” in response
a demonstration aimed at ending victim blaming
of rape victims
the guy with the “no fat chicks” bumpersticker on his F150
whos confused why
he cant get pussy
to the guy who calls anal rape
to the one who uses “feminazi”
as a frequent part
of his vernacular
to every guy who has ever thought that a facebook status
about domestic violence
was a good opportunity to practice playing the
to every guy
who has ever dismissed feminism
because it didn’t involve him
to every man who has ever raped a woman
to every man who has ever beaten one
to every guy
who thinks he’s not like those ones
its just a joke
to every guy who is confused why feminists hate him
to every guy
you’re part of a problem
that won’t stop choking us
but tells us
to just breath
Why is there very little utility to women’s clothing? Why don’t we get pockets which actually open? Why do we have to put up with the ‘false pockets’ that are frequently sewn onto women’s jackets and pants to give visual interest without ruining the ‘line’ of the garment? Why, when pockets are actually present, are they so rarely large, stable, or loose enough to accommodate a phone or a wallet? And why, given this is the case, do women go on to cop so much flack for carrying handbags around with them?
Oh wait. Is this one of those double standards which we feminists are always going on about; one of those innocuous little things which everybody just accepts because it is the norm?
Women carry handbags. It is known.
But why? I have watched my male friends get ready to go out. They slip their wallet into one pocket, their keys into another, their phone into a third pocket, and some of them even still have spare pockets large enough to carry a novel for the journey. Those of my friends who wear women’s clothes, though, face an entirely different situation. If they are wearing the right jeans or jacket, they may have up to two usable pockets (not at all guaranteed). However, in most cases they won’t have any pockets at all. Utility and style rarely meet in women’s fashion, so they grab a bag.
Contrary to all the jokes, most women don’t ‘have’ to leave the house with everything they pack in their day-to-day handbag. Most of the items in a woman’s everyday handbag are in there because, if she’s going to have to carry it anyway, she might as well make it worth her while. Excuse us for making use of the one useful item we find in our wardrobes.
sunday night i went to the movies with someone stupid. now he tries to walk me to my classes. when did he start thinking that we’re together or something? and how do i stop it? almost cried today; i don’t want him following me around. i want him to not talk to me or notice me or smile at me or anything.
like a dream, like water, like a shiver that runs through your spine after seeing yourself for the very first time, the black trees whispered softy into the night. they told each other stories from years ago when they were newborn roots growing ever upwards. and i stopped to listen that night, hoping to make out their hushed disconnected words suspended in the branches, unheard by everyone that looked down when they walked past other nights i was not able to hear them, but tonight i sat down gingerly on a pile of brownredyellow leaves, a soft covering on the dirt and moss and as i gazed up i could just barely connect the sounds they made to pictures in my head. after a few minutes i heard and understood, and as i cried something lifted me up up up into the air into the clouds into the above here is what the trees said to me (what they said to everyone who would listen) ‘this is the day you were born this is the day you will die tomorrow you will not live today is the only day that exists’ and that night i died, but the next morning was born again
“last night i met on the bus
a woman with 8 children
i told her about my father
who was also one of 8 and grew up on a farm
in the country
“i woulda loved that”
she slurred with beer on her breath
i asked her if she was going home
she said yes she was, to her children
and i told her i was waiting for my older sister
she asked how old i was
and after i answered we talked of things that mattered
to neither of us
we weren’t really there and we both knew it
but she was going home to her 8 children”—Clara Ruppert, 2012
“In order to believe in a thing you’ve got to carry it with you. You can’t carry the Earth, or a man, in your pocket. I want a way to do that, carry things with me always, so I can believe in them.”—Ray Bradbury, The Illustrated Man
and now Matthew and Emma are gone, and I am the oldest child in the house. all i do is go to school, come home, do homework and other school, work, clean, read, walk, and practice piano. it’s not a bad life, because i get a lot of quiet and alone times.